Whirlwind

Sometimes two people need to step apart
and make a space between
that each might see the other anew,
in a glance across a room
or silhouetted against the moon.
~Robert Brault

Love. Hurt. Indifference. Intention. Disgust.

You used to be someone who I cared deeply about and whom I poured my heart to. Thus, it only made sense for my world to shatter. I didn’t understand. I tried to understand. Finally, I had to forget, had to stop caring or at least try. Over time, I became indifferent. Your existence in my world or in the world did not matter to me, nor did I care. Struggling with the past. Striving for the future. It is too cruel our worlds had to re-collide. I had every intention of being in control yet couldn’t stop myself from getting sucked in. As if once was not already enough, I found myself caught in old cycles, old habits, old pain. Slowly, I found my grounding again. The earth no longer shakes and trembles below. Today I’ve found that you disgust me. It surprises me yet I can’t help but think you brought it upon yourself. I had started to think I would always be indifferent and could live my life without a thought of you floating through my head.

Where will this go? How will it end?

“Don’t let the darkness of the past cover the brightness of the future.” – Unknown

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2 thoughts on “Whirlwind

  1. a wise friend once told me that we must learn to let go of that which we fear to lose most… sometimes…. some people come into our lives to teach us hard lessons… including the hard facts of letting go – loss, grief, death, rebirth – but only out of that, can we be reborn and replenished, washed down and spring back to life with new spunk in our life, and new spring in our steps… much of life is the ability to wean yourself… in whatever way that may mean to save yourself… wean yourself from greed, selfishness, jealousy, wean yourself from your own demons, from trying to save another when you should worry to save yourself…. detach. wean. a boxer confronts his own weakness… if he has a weak left wrist like me… he trains that side extra hard and careful to be as strong as the other side or as possible…failing that, he makes sure to hide and protect that wrist at all times…. there is no other way to confront loss and grief and sorrow than to go through the hell of it… if you have a weak wrist… confront it… work it out to be stronger…. if grief is a new thing for you – – accept it… you must go through the hell of it…to come out on the other side. … there is no other way to fight a war but to charge forward….no matter who and what the adversary or circumstance… but you are one of the strongest girls I know….and I know that in the end you will be OK….

    caius lex maximus

  2. “The wounds to the flesh and the breaks in bones caused by fists and feet are more easily seen, and are healed with relative ease and speed. The wounds to the heart caused by words and the betrayal of trust with no outward sign take much longer and more work to heal. Just as the scars of the flesh and the mends of the bones remain so too do the scars of the heart. However, what one must understand is just as a break is stronger than the rest of the bone when healed so too will a wounded heart be stronger once healed.” – Justin Nutt

    – cl

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