Archive | October 2012

Calmness

Whew, the past couple of weeks have been busy with planning for Make a Difference Day! My first big event for over 1,000 students went relatively smoothly but it was a lot more high stress than I had imagined. It’s a lot different watching an event being planned than planning one yourself. I had the advantage of second-handedly experiencing the planning for last year’s Make a Difference Day which helped a lot in the initial stages of my planning. Before I knew it though, it was the week of MaDD and there was so many details and loose ends that were waiting to be finalized. I’m proud of myself for keeping calm and getting through my planning and event. There were a few times the week of MaDD where I wanted to just withdraw and run away from everything but I hung in there and told myself to breathe and step back. We set our own expectations for ourselves and thus, most of the time, are our harshest judges. I just needed to let go and be okay with things how they were. Some things we can control and others we can’t. We shouldn’t be upset at ourselves for what we can’t control but just accept and know we did our best and pushed ourselves to our limits. I’m a perfectionist and oftentimes can be very hard on myself for everything. My roles in event planning last year and this year has taught me to learn to not be so structured, to learn how to improvise, and to accept that things will never go according to plan. All of this has been very helpful for me though because it’s helped me to be more relaxed and comfortable with myself.

“Worry is total waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keep you busy doing nothing.” – Anonymous

我以前有跟你说过…

我以前 有跟你说过你永远不会再找到一个像我那么喜欢你的人, 那么爱你的人. 但现在, 你会不会找到一个像我那么爱你的人不重要了. 如果你找到一个比我更爱你的人, 那我提你高兴. 如果你没有找到比我更爱你的人, 那就算你错过, 失去过. 我以前也有跟你说过如果我和你失败了, 我不知道我会不会再相信这个世界有没有真爱…

一回头看看, 我发现我那个时候有多傻啊. 我是太爱你了. 爱到你根本不爱我,我也没办法看清趣, 那个底部. 你一点也不爱我. 你只爱你自己. 只会想你自己想要什么, 怎么可以得到你要的. 可能, 一开始你是关心我的, 但后来你对我的感情就便了. 在我跟你在一起的时候, 我也慢慢怀疑这是事实但我不干对我自己承认. 你就越爱你自己, 少爱我.

我们分手的那个时候, 我心里很乱, 还没想情趣你和我的关心. 我承认我们的分手会让我很伤心, 很不明白. 我会那样是应为我还是爱着你的. 那个时候我不明白为什么两个向爱的人要分开? 如果他们向爱, 为什么不能在一起生活?但我不知道的是你已经不爱我了, 早就不爱了. 就是在那个时候我才对你说你不可能再找到一个像我那么爱你的人.  我会那么说是应为那个时候我是真的那么认为. 在我心里面, 我已经把你放在最高的位子了- 可能也比我自己高.

我承认我们分手的一段子以后, 我对你的爱就慢慢的变成恨. 我很你因为你就知道你对我的爱早已经没了, 你对我的感情早已经死了, 但你还是偏我.你没有勇气告诉我你真正的感情. 你就让我以为我们好好的. 但现在我不恨你了.我想通了. 你不会在我的生活再有影响了. 你是真的伤过我但因为有你,我才明白什么是爱,什么不是爱. 你不知道真心我.我不要因为你就死去所有关心爱请的事. 我会给要真心的爱我,腾我的人,一个机会. 因为我相信那个人会来. 更重要的是我相信他会比你更好,更会真心我的. 失去你并不是一个不好的事.其实, 失去你只是一个开始.

“Maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.” ― Emily Giffin

Take Time

Lately, I’ve found myself to be consumed… by work, by family, by personal interests, by life. This past weekend, I finally sat down and took the time to clean my room, fold my laundry, sort out my things. Because life has been so hectic, I’ve found myself multi-tasking, trying to figure out the best combination of tasks to get the most I can done and make the best use of my time. Thus, it wasn’t a big surprise that I finished watching a movie while cleaning my room this weekend. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard and didn’t take that much time; I just needed to make the time.

The hard thing about life is that you can’t put anything on pause. Everything is always slowly moving even though you choose to not occupy your mind with those things. There is no time to sort through anything because issues, problems, events, they never stop flooding into your world. We keep moving forward, tackling whatever stands in our way, just for the sake of clearing the path so we can see what lies ahead. Very rarely do we think to ourselves if that was the best way or if it was even effective.

We have to remind ourselves to find time to do all the things we want to, to figure out all that we need to. More often than not, finding time is taking time and taking time means making time. Most importantly in regards to making time, we must remember to make time for ourselves and to take care of ourselves. It is the most simple logic in the world and one that we hear time and time again, yet somehow we manage to be deaf to it.

Doing something little for ourselves to recharge and refresh, to find that lost energy, lost passion, can do so much for ourselves. So, when things get complicated, instead of charging forward and knocking down everything in your path, just stop. Stop and stare. Stop and listen. Stop. It doesn’t matter what you do, just stop. Because life doesn’t put itself on pause, we have to. Find time, take time, make time for a moment, to reflect, to detach. It doesn’t take very much, you just have to give yourself the permission.

“People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering.” – St. Augustine 

“Only Time”

Who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose, only time

Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies, only time
And who can say why your heart cries
When your love lies, only time

Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be in your heart
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart
Night keeps all your heart

Who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose
– Only time
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time

Who knows? Only time

– Enya, 2000