Archives

Ramblings on Faith

“Faith is defined as confidence or trust in a being, object, living organism, deity, view, or in the doctrines or teachings of a religion. Faith may also refer to a hope or belief, a rational or irrational, in a certain outcome. Faith refers to a belief as it is not based on proof. The word faith is sometimes used as a synonym for hope, for trust, or for belief.”

Lately, it has been harder to keep my faith alive – faith in humanity, faith in the greater good, faith in a better future for all, faith in relationships, faith in myself and if I am doing the right thing, if I am on the right path. I find myself wanting more out of life, striving more, doing more, yet I find the world is cruel and my efforts seem to have been in vain.

I find I have always taken a more proactive approach to life. Shaping my own life’s path and future and how it will be. I find myself enraged when I encounter those who are passive about what they want and let opportunities pass them by or don’t put their best into their work.Perhaps this is a sense of empowerment… yet I don’t feel very empowered. Is it others passiveness or is it my own that I am enraged by? I know I am not perfect. I have my own faults, my own fears.

“Let your faith be bigger than your fears.”

I have always counted on things turning out for the better and this has been how I have always lived my life. Not having someone I can count on, someone I can trust and relay my hopes and dreams and my fears to, I have always just had faith that what I thought was best would eventually work out in the end. Now I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I am only doing more harm than good to myself. If by having faith in others and by being soft-hearted, if I only leave myself more vulnerable and more exposed and in the end more prone to disappointment and heartache?

我很快就跟他在一起两年了。两年。。。好像没那么长的时间,也就那么长一段时间。我不知道接下来该怎么做。我发现我自己在问自己,“我们真的合适吗?可不可以在一起一辈子?”。他也那么问他自己。他比我还不知道,还糊涂。他说 可能他不会是最好的跟我在一起的男人。我就想,如果你不是最好的但你喜欢一个人,那你就把你自己变成最好的给她。为什么你要觉得你要退路?你那么觉得就告诉 对方你已经放弃了。我不知道接下来该怎么做才是最好的。就看着办吧。

Updates, A Look Back at 2014, and 2015 Hopes & Aspirations

Hmm… looked through my blog today and it has been a really, really, really long time since I have been on here – at least half a year’s time. Read some old posts I had written and took a little walk down memory lane. When I started this blog, I was in a very emotional, dark, intense time in my life and this was a place for me to pour all those emotions and thoughts out. I am a different person now, in a different place, with a different focus. I will most likely be writing less and less here for a while as I refocus and find my new direction for this space.

This past year has been one of aimless wandering for me you could say… I found myself doing everything and anything I could to learn more, make more, and be more productive. Towards the latter half of 2014, I found myself experiencing some work-life imbalance that I had never encountered before. I am an individual who likes to be busy and have a lot of things going on but do a pretty good job of keeping myself energized and having time for myself. There were days where my energy level and motivation were so low I didn’t want to do anything. There were also a lot of personal things I was thinking about and I think pondering about all those things really made me uncertain about my future and what was next. Then I stopped thinking about it but it was like I was mindlessly going through each moment of each day. I changed my attitude and told myself I needed to get certain things done and to hang in there for the last few weeks that were left in 2014. I just had to reconnect with my optimistic, goal-oriented, carefree self and focus on what I wanted to be and where I wanted to be.

2014 was not an overly exciting year nor was it – thankfully – one filled with various obstacles and challenges. As the perfectionist and overachiever that I am, I guess I had a moment of wondering where I fit in and where I was going, questioning what was I accomplishing. As the last few weeks of December drew near, after an impromptu chat with a good friend, I came to the realization that while I don’t know exactly where I am going, I have come a long way and all the various and – in some ways – random events that have happened these last few years are in their own way laying down a patchwork foundation for the future.

I hope for 2015 to be a year of building and re-enforcing the foundation that 2014 has been. I submitted my application to start a graduate program and hope to start this spring. I will be doing more with my council and building on the work that has already been done in 2014. This will give me more experience with policy and having an impact on community needs. Lastly, I want 2015 to be the year I find my inner child again. In the 25 (soon to be 26 years) of my life, the majority of them have been years where I have had to be responsible, practical, and logical. I hope for this upcoming year to be a year where I have fun, am spontaneous and have many wonderful experiences without thinking too much about responsibility and costs.

Here’s to lessons learned in 2014 and adventures in 2015!

What’s with her?

Rebel Thriver

NotAllWounds

“What’s with her?” they ask. Even if I can’t hear them I know they think it. Better yet…“Why can’t she just get over it?” Who do I speak of? Mostly my family members. I know, the very people who should try to understand don’t. The people closest to you sometimes feel the farthest away. I guess that there are some things that we experience that others can never fully understand unless they have experienced it themselves. It’s true of my debilitating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the accompanying anxiety. You can try to understand, but if you haven’t experienced it then you can never really know.

I have many scars left from wounds that have been inflicted upon me over the years. Most of them came during my 11 year marriage. They varied day-to-day, but rarely did I find sleep at night without having added another to my already war-torn…

View original post 761 more words

Ascension

And if I go

While you’re still here…

Know that I live on

Vibrating to a different measure

Behind a veil you cannot see through.

You will not see me,

so you must have faith,

I wait for the time when we can soar together again

both aware of each other,

Until then, live life to its fullest!

When you need me, just whisper

my name in your heart…

I will be there.

– Colleen Cora Hitchcock

该道别了宝贝

怎么每次好像这些东西就发生在我身上. 要到什么时候才找到我的白马王子呢?是我不够好还是我太完美了?

最近我一直觉得你怪怪的。今天你就让我发现原来我以为得没有错。我们的关系又到这个地步了,我还能怎么做?每一次我就告诉你,你应该用你的时间好好想一想。可能你以为我不怕。我淡然怕啊!怕我会失去你,怕你会变心。我知道我自己,我知道我的心。你呢?什么时候才会知道?我要等但是我不要百等。可能这次我和你真的要说再见了吧。第一次-你做决定,我不高兴,我们谈,然后决定在一起。第二次,你又提,你说只要当朋友。我不敢接受但我知道,我也没有办法。然后你就在想你的决定是对的还是错的?你问我,我说,它是你的决定,你怎么决定我就接受。然后,你又说要在试一遍。第三次就是现在。我不要当好人了。我也要我的爱情,我的幸福。跟你在一起,我两个都有。有的时候我分不清你对我是客气还是关心还是爱情。我不要客气,我要的是关心和爱情但我不要你只把我当朋友看待。我还以为你和我会永远在一起,会结婚,回升薄薄。原来我又错了。我只能留在路上的旁边看着你走,然后再走我自己的路。如果我们两条路又见面,可能我们可以再试一次。我已经说过了,我相信人们碰面的事就是有原因的。可能我和你的原因只是帮对方从以前的恋爱走过来。不过怎么样,我还是真的高兴有了这个机会认识你的。

再见我的差不多白马王子。或许你跟我的那一天永远不会来,但没有关系因为你就让我相信这个世界上还有好的男人。

Which Baby Are You?

Which Baby Are You? Reposted from Facebook.

Do you think the traits of your month are reflective of who you are?

JANUARY BABY
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Do…wn-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.

FEBRUARY BABY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.

MARCH BABY
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.

APRIL BABY
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and travelling. Systematic. hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that’s caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

MAY BABY
Stubborn and hard-hearted . Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.

JUNE BABY
You’ve got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself – heck, you’ve got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.

JULY BABY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be with friends . Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days

AUGUST BABY
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an “every thing’s peachy” attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of “that someone”. longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by “no pain no gain” caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. “charming” or “beautiful” to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.

SEPTEMBER BABY
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.

OCTOBER BABY
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.

NOVEMBER BABY
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.

DECEMBER BABY
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible… better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music.