Tag Archive | past

Life

Move Forward

Life likes to tease you, give you hope, bring you down, throw challenges at you, tempt you, give you happiness, open doors, throw roadblocks in your way. It seems like it relentlessly does these things again and again. We just have to learn to move forward, to leave the past behind, to push on, to start anew. Whether we have the courage to or not, whether it’s easy or hard, whether we are ready or not, we must, we must.

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Full Speed Ahead

There have been so many things going in in my life – so many good things! –  that I’ve neglected my blog in the process. So here’s all that has happened in my absence! 🙂

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Blast From The Past

Recently, my ex contacted me again. The two of us, along with a few other friends, will be participating in an obstacle 5K this weekend. He asked if I wanted to carpool to the race together since the two of us lived fairly close. He didn’t know it’s been almost a year now since I’ve moved to a new house now, nor did I want to tell him that. I’m a polite and courteous person so it was hard for me to simply respond and say, “No.” I mulled over how I would respond and reached out to a close friend who had been a large pillar of support throughout the time following my break up with my ex.

Finally when I responded I was a little bit of a bitch, a little passive aggressive, and most definitely set down boundaries about where the two of us stood moving forward , and lastly of course, I answered his question and told him, “No, I don’t want to carpool. My sister, my boyfriend, and I will be driving down together.” His response to my  email came as a surprise because he was so civil and polite. I had expected him to blow up and accuse me of so many things. Instead he simply said, “It’s good to know you are doing well. I will respect your wish to go our own separate ways.” Like I thought, there was more he had to say. The next day he sent me another response, this time a longer one that was not so polite. I contemplated responding to his email but upon a second reading, realized it was not worth my time. His whole email was bashing on me in an attempt to make himself feel justified and to justify his actions in our relationship. In a way, his email was also an affirmation that I did the best I could in the relationship and reaffirmed a lot of the things he was too proud to ever admit in the relationship, for example that he has confidence issues and always loved himself more than he loved me. He closed his email by saying he would respect my desire to not be friends and have no contact (and this was after he had earlier accused me of “shutting him out of my life now that things were looking up for me”) but if I felt differently, I should respond and that he will always care for me and “welcome me back with open arms.” I, of course, did not respond. Why? I’m very happy now and have moved on with my own life, personally, professionally, and relationship-wise. So far since that last interaction, things have been quite and let’s hope they stay that way. I’m glad my ex was able to see that I am no longer the push-over he once thought I was and that I am very outgoing and not afraid to stand up for myself.

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My Very Own Day

Another year of service is wrapping up again. Last Friday, our organization had our End-of-Year Service Celebration with lots of food, reflection, and fanfare. A tradition our organization has is to have everyone nominate a Corps member for the Corps Member of the Year award. This award would go to a Corps member who has embodied all the traits of an Idealistic Leader throughout the year (Strive to Be Delightful, Energize Those In Your Presence, Keep Your Eyes On the Prize, Challenge Cynicism, Moccasin the Lives of Others, Learn to Be Grateful, and Have Fun). This Corps member receives a proclamation from the Mayor and that day is proclaimed as their day and an official day to celebrate them and the work they have done.

The afternoon of the celebration, another close friend sends me an email along the lines of, “So, I’m sure your colleagues have presented you with your proclamation by now and I just want to say congratulations and I’m proud of all your hard work.” This close friend works in the Mayor’s office and drafts up many of the documents that the Mayor signs. He did not know I was not yet aware that I had won the nomination for Service Member of the Year. Regardless I am very grateful to have received the award and what makes it even more special is that the proclamation was written by a close friend who knew the work that I did to the extent that I did.

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Challenging Oneself

This Sunday my boyfriend and I participated in a scavenger hunt race modeled after the Amazing Race. It was an experience. We had never done this before so had no idea what to expect aside from the fact that we would have to solve 11 out of the 12 hints. Although the two of us were from the Metro area, we had some difficulty figuring out the hints and it took us the full 3 hours to solve all of the hints. We were running all over the four corners of downtown back and forth. Some clues we solved intentionally and others we just happened upon. I think we were both too anxious to think clearly when solving the clues but it was a fun experience.

This Saturday, I will be participating in Warrior Dash, an obstacle course 5K with a few other friends. It should be an experience. I have not been training too hard for this but I think I will be okay. I am expecting to be very tired afterwards. Took a look at the obstacles and the map and so far, I am feeling okay. Going to take advantage of the last few days before the race and do some more strength and endurance training.

“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” -Edmund Hillary

TODAY

“Today is a new day. Don’t let your history interfere with your destiny! Let today be the day you stop being a victim of your circumstances and start taking action towards the life you want. You have the power and the time to shape your life. Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and embrace the truth of your greatness. You were not meant for a mundane or mediocre life!”

– Steve Maraboli

This is not my surrender/I’m not running for cover/I’m right here, I know you see me/But your words no longer defeat me

We will recover/The worst is behind and it hurts but in time/I know that we will recover

Whirlwind

Sometimes two people need to step apart
and make a space between
that each might see the other anew,
in a glance across a room
or silhouetted against the moon.
~Robert Brault

Love. Hurt. Indifference. Intention. Disgust.

You used to be someone who I cared deeply about and whom I poured my heart to. Thus, it only made sense for my world to shatter. I didn’t understand. I tried to understand. Finally, I had to forget, had to stop caring or at least try. Over time, I became indifferent. Your existence in my world or in the world did not matter to me, nor did I care. Struggling with the past. Striving for the future. It is too cruel our worlds had to re-collide. I had every intention of being in control yet couldn’t stop myself from getting sucked in. As if once was not already enough, I found myself caught in old cycles, old habits, old pain. Slowly, I found my grounding again. The earth no longer shakes and trembles below. Today I’ve found that you disgust me. It surprises me yet I can’t help but think you brought it upon yourself. I had started to think I would always be indifferent and could live my life without a thought of you floating through my head.

Where will this go? How will it end?

“Don’t let the darkness of the past cover the brightness of the future.” – Unknown